I quit

I've decided I really don't like blogging. I've never liked keeping a diary (the old term), journaling (the newer term) and even though it's a different format, it's still the same thing. So, I'm quitting.

Good bye

Anniversary

Today, I was scrubbing the floor and I suddenly remembered it was Aug 1st. I opened the door where the children were vegging on the couch and said, "who knows what today is?" They promptly replied "Aug 1", and stared at me like I was sniffing pinesol for fun. So, I said, "Who knows what happened 15 years ago today?" Again, they looked at each other, then me, and shrugged their shoulders. So, I got to tell our story again....

15 years ago today, I lost a foster child that had lived with me for a year. I knew where she was going, and thought it was a good placement, but my heart was torn in half. About 2 hours after she moved out, the DSS worker called me. She asked me how I was, and I thought, 'isn't that nice, she's checking up on me'. I said, "OK, but I've got a huge hole in my heart". She said, "Well, I have just the thing to fill it." Within a few hours, I had a chubby, brown eyed boy in my arms. I fell in love instantly. It took awhile, and there were many bumps along the road, but today, Aug 1, 2008, that little boy still calls me "mama".

Walk this way....

I hauled my body out of bed this morning, determined to get back on track with my walking. I had done so well most of the summer, walking in the heat, through a knee injury, and even on a cruise, but all the sudden I had fallen off the wagon. A day of physical activity made me realize how much even a couple of pounds adds to stress on the joints, and I have decided to get back in the saddle.

So, as I was walking, I was listening to my iPod. I was feeling somewhat despondent over some recent and not so recent emotional stressors, and was praying about one particular disappointment. I had to laugh, because, on shuffle, the iPod was playing a song that said we may never achieve the dreams we had for ourselves. But, that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad things. Life is full of unfulfilled fantasies. So, do we roll 0ver and play dead? No, we keep on going. The humor in that was that the first several songs (basically the first 1/2 of my walk) all had the same theme...sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. Then, I turned around to start the trip home, and suddenly, the theme shifted. It started out with "I AM"...

I AM...the maker of the Heavens

I AM...the bright and morning star

I AM...the breath of all creation

Who always was, and is to come

I AM...the one who walked on water

I AM...the one who calmed the seas

I AM...the miracles and wonder

So come and see, Oh follow Me

And you will know

The fount of living water

The risen Son of Man

The healer of the broken

And when you cry I AM

Your Savior and Redeemer

Who bore the sin of man

The Author and Perfecter

Beginning and the End

Yes, I AM

I AM ...the Spirit deep inside you

I AM...the Word upon your heart

I AM...the One who even knew you before your birth

Before you were...I Am

The fount of living water

The risen Son of Man

The healer of the broken

And when you cry I AM

Your Savior and Redeemer

Who bore the sin of man

The Author and Perfecter

Beginning and the End.... I AM

From that point on, every song that the iPod arbitrarily picked was on that focused on the majesty of God, and the fact that even though our plans might not work out, HE IS STILL GOD.

I thought it was pretty cool that God used a hot, lonely walk to speak new life to my aching heart. Nothing new...just a reminder of who I am in light of who HE is.

A sailor's life for me....

Getting our 'sea legs'....



Formal night...we clean up good!

Livin' happily ever after...dinner
Doris and I went exploring



I could get used to living the life of a sailor...as long as it was aboard the Enchantment of the Seas...

When I did run away.....

I went to Grand Cayman and Cozumel. It was a true testimony to God's sense of beauty. Here are some pictures...they can't capture the true picture, but they do remind me of the peace and unbelievable scenery and fun I had with my friends.

There are times...

fortunately, not to many, that I want to run away. ...

today is one of them.

Lessons from the beach

Today, I took the kids to the beach for the day. We left early and got there (mainly to get a parking place) by 10:00. The ocean was nice, and the tide was on the way out, which meant we could park our stuff close and know it probably wouldn't get washed. Not used to having a toddler with me, I was a bit nervous when K. got closer and closer to the tide line. She liked playing in the shallow water, but being very unsteady on her feet, she had trouble keeping her balance. So, I went into the surf with her. As we stood there and she played I couldn't help but parallel our Christian walk with what was happening in the water. So, here are my thoughts...

• We often think we're on solid ground, but when there is an unexpected surge of water, the ground under us is literally washed away, and our steady footing is exchanged for an irregular surface that is constantly shifting. This can do several things. It makes us lose our balance. It can cover our feet so that when we move to take a step, we fall, or have to pry our feet from under the heavy sand. It can cause us to shift our position to what we perceive as more level ground. This works until the next surge comes along.



• Sometimes, we withstand the initial hit with no problem. Then, when the wave begins to rush out, it often pulls us so hard that we fall. Once down, we roll around at the mercy of the wave.



• If we're not constantly viligant, often things sneak up on us.



• I noticed that after a 'rolling', K. would hold tightly to both of my hands for a few moments. Then, as her confidence grew, she would let go with one hand and use it to dabble and swirl in the water. After a few minutes, she would not only let go of the other hand, she would push me away. We do this so often with God. Hard times comes, we cling tightly, then we let go and finally push him away, thinking we have it all in control. As we 'manage' without him, we let go of all stablizing forces, only to get knocked and rolled around again and start the whole cycle over.



• As the waves receeded, it would appear that you had to go further out to get to the water for the fun. Chasing the waves often left us in a place where, suddenly, we were in over what was safe. Instead of waiting for the water to come to us, K. would put herself in danger to be a part of the action. How often do we go chasing the instant gratification, only to find that it really isn't where we need to be?



• Playing in the water can be fun, but in an instant, it can become dangerous.

We had fun at the beach. We enjoyed each other's company, and basked in the beauty that God created. There were no stressors, no computer, no cell phone, no vacuum cleaners, dust, dirty dishes or piled up laundry. We ate what we wanted, when we wanted, and left when things were no longer to our satisfaction. All this, and some spiritual stuffs too....life doesn't get much better than this, does it?