50Years

50 years ago, tonight, my mom and my dad were both anxiously awaiting the morning. They were to be married, and to stand before God, their family, and some friends and vow their undying devotion to each other. They were going to promise to love, honor, and protect each other for as long as they both should live. That's a daunting promise, but one they've stood beside.
It hasn't always been easy. In fact, I'm not sure it ever was. In their early marriage, my dad commuted from here to Norfolk daily. Mom gave up a career as a nurse in order to be a stay at home mom. Later, my dad's career in the Coast Guard took him away from the home he knew to far away places. Mom adapted to the new, and made a home for us wherever we were. There were times in our lives that he would be 'out to sea' for long periods of time. I remember communicating with him, occasionally, on ship to shore phones. I'm not sure how they worked, but I remember having to say "over" whenever I finished a thought.
As we grew up, if college was the way we wanted to go, they did whatever they could to help us achieve that goal. It meant selling off some land and cosigning loans and driving to NY and doing without one of their 2 cars for a year, but they did it because that's what family does. If a vocation was the way we chose, they were supportive of that as well.
Through 2 careers, one in the Coast Guard and one as a horticulturist, Dad was had a work ethic that is not so easy to find. He worked hard to provide for his family and even after 'retirement' he continues, at 70 to work.
Mom, is one of those incredibly strong women that has overcome unbelievable odds. Age has wreaked havoc on her physically and she's had surgery on her hands, feet, back, neck and heart. Several times, she has been on death's door, but not only did she survive, she has continued to live a productive life despite physical handicaps and a heart that doesn't do what it's designed to do.
So, 50 years ago, they promised to love each other "in sickness and in health". It's a promise they kept, and today they stand as a testimony to God's grace and his strength to stay the course and go the distance.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

I Understand....(not)

It saddened me today when I read Nathan's blog about the hurtful and downright mean things people were 'saying' to him as he put voice to this incredible journey that he and his family have embarked upon. As a person who has worked with kids most of my adult life, I have noticed and many times commented that "kids are mean", because they haven't learned the social inhibitions that keep us from saying hurtful things. They hold out their friendship to someone, then withdraw it if the 'friend' does or does not do something thing that disagrees or agrees with them and feeds their selfishness and ego. Supposedly, with positive guidance and teacher/parent/adult training (not necessarily in that order) we can steer them to the understanding that words DO hurt, sometimes more than sticks and stones. This process takes time, and we, as teachers, often don't see the end results, but we work toward that goal in any case.
Evidently, this isn't a new problem, because there are many places in the Bible where God addesses the way we speak to each other..."let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth...only that which is good for building up of the saints" (BV)* "let no backbiting, slander or gossip..." " the tongue is like a tiny rudder that steers the whole ship"...I could go on and on, but my time is short.
Often, even though we have physical age on us, our emotional age is still that of a young child. We end up being selfish, and taking an "I can't help it...I've got to say what's inside" attitude. Thank God for spiritual leaders that help give us that positive guidance and training to help us 'learn' how powerful our words are.
Today, my prayer is "may the words of mouth, and the thoughts of my heart, bless YOUR name, bless your name, Jesus....may the deeds of the day, and the truth of my way, speak of YOU, speak of you, Jesus."
(*BV=Bonnie's version..paraphrased)

Scary stuff

This morning, I woke up and instead of getting up, like I usually do, I decided to lay in bed and see if I could go back to sleep. I had had a rough night with a lot of 'awakenings' and I didn't feel really good, so I decided the sleep would do me good. Mistake....
I had the worst dream. As always, when I go to give words to my dream, I don't have the vocabulary to truely describe the feelings, textures and nuiances of the dream. But, the gist was this: Alex decided to turn his back on me and my authority. I went to pick him up from school (although it wasn't a school I had ever been in) and when I called him to come with me, he totally ignored me. No amount of calling, cajoling, screaming or threatening could get him to come with me. He was declaring his independence in loud silence. I found that he had been doing things that I had expressly forbidden (pimping his bike...which is funny in that he doesn't even have a bike) and riding gas powered skateboards. He refused to even acknowledge my presence. Finally, in desperation, I told him I would cancel his cell phone. He turned to me and said, "go ahead, you can't MAKE me do anything" and tossed it into the bushes. At that point I relized that he had discovered my secret. He was right. I can't force anyone to do anything. I can make it lucrative to obey, or miserable to disobey, but ultimately, personal choice will prevail.

There was more to the dream, including me sneaking into a high security room and hiding something under the PE equipment, and airplanes, but as dreams go, that part was very disjointed. I just remember feeling a small triumph that I had put something of his in a place he couldn't access it. Hollow victory.
I drug myself out of my sleep, and my first waking thought was "it was a dream, it was just a dream", but curiously, I found myself really sad as I got up to begin my day. I realized that, just as in my dream, there is a very real possibility that my boys will turn against the very fabric of my beliefs and philosophies. There may come a day when they chose to say to me, "you can't MAKE me do anything". Now, my conscious mind says, "that's personal choice, and my joy is not dependent on their actions or attitudes" but deep down, I know I will be shaken to the core if and when that happens.
Perhaps this was a spin off on last night's post, but it was a shocking jolt into reality. It made me feel a more pressing need to pray protection around them, build relationship with them, and indoctrinate them into the word of God, so that even if they chose to turn their backs, they won't forget. Perhaps this is Satan's way of trying to steal my joy. We learned in church last week that
Satan always attacks through our weakest point, and that is often through our children. We also learned that we have to surrender them to God, as we do ourself.
So, Lord, they're yours. Bring them up in your knowledge. Let me be a wise steward of the time you've given us together. Protect them, and let them see, with clarity, Satan's tricks. Pursue them relentlessly, and bring them home.

End of the Day

We are healthy. We were fed. We did things for fun. We ate dinner together. I went shopping with my mom for a 50th wedding anniversary outfit. We ate lunch at Good Life Gourmet. I was a good day.
Alex was disappointed because he wasn't able to work out plans of his design. This was hard as a mom, not to jump in and 'fix' the problem. He needs to learn that things don't always work out according to our plans. He needs to learn, as we all do, that our activities or our relationships aren't the basis of our joy. Our joy comes from our relationship with God and the understanding that we are his chosen children and he loves us and was willing to step out of eternity into time in order to save us. Happiness is transluscent...it can illuminate, fade through, and show vague shapes of what is reality, but it is also transcient..it shifts, moves, and eludes us at times. Hard lessons. My prayer is that I can teach these lessons to my children as I learn them myself.

Saturday Mornings

I love Saturday mornings. I usually wake up hours before the rest of the family, and I make a (small) pot of coffee and sit at the computer and catch up on my 'reading' for the week. It's a time to reflect, pray for my friends and family, get 'enlightened', and often, get caught up on bills and pressing activities. Throughout the week, I get up before everyone and have a 'hang time' with God, but often my schedule limits the time and the thoughts of the coming day crowd out the true reflections.
This morning I was reading in a book called Blue Like Jazz, and the author is talking about his journey into Christianity. He was having trouble "buying into" the concept until he took a Literature course. Through the course he realized that the same elements that hook us into a good book (ie, setting, conflict/resolution, and climax) are the very things that draw us into Christianity. Setting...here and now. We're a part of it. I'm always trying to get my 3rd graders to make a "personal connection" to their readings/writings. We understand setting because we are in the setting. Conflict...the rebellion against God resulting in sin sets the stage for all conflict. Climax...where the point of decision determines the end of the story. Resolution...We have a choice to have a good or bad resolution.
The author also parallels our decision with a really cool story. It is of a Navy SEAL that went on a covert mission to resue some hostages. They had been held captive for months, and when the SEALS penetrated the room and told the hostages to follow them, they sat huddled in a corner, hiding in fear, afraid to follow their 'saviors'. Finally, in desperation, one SEAL took off his helmet and sat down in the huddle, body to body, with the hostages. He stayed there until some of the people began to make eye contact with him, and realize his presence. He then began whispering, "We're American's, and we're here to rescue you. Won't you please follow us?" One by one the hostages stood to their feet with the SEAL until all of them were willing to follow. Had the soldier not "entered their world" and become one of them, even for an instant, the hostages would never have even acknoweldge their presence, much less followed them. Jesus did the same for us. We wouldn't/couldn't follow him, in large part because we were blinded by our fear. Until Christ became a part of the huddle, became one of us, we had trouble connecting with him. The SEAL left a part of his identity behind when he took off his helmet. Jesus left a huge part of his identity when he gave up his position at the right hand of the Father. Wow! Big thoughts for a Saturday morning.