I've decided I really don't like blogging. I've never liked keeping a diary (the old term), journaling (the newer term) and even though it's a different format, it's still the same thing. So, I'm quitting.
Good bye
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Anniversary
Today, I was scrubbing the floor and I suddenly remembered it was Aug 1st. I opened the door where the children were vegging on the couch and said, "who knows what today is?" They promptly replied "Aug 1", and stared at me like I was sniffing pinesol for fun. So, I said, "Who knows what happened 15 years ago today?" Again, they looked at each other, then me, and shrugged their shoulders. So, I got to tell our story again....
15 years ago today, I lost a foster child that had lived with me for a year. I knew where she was going, and thought it was a good placement, but my heart was torn in half. About 2 hours after she moved out, the DSS worker called me. She asked me how I was, and I thought, 'isn't that nice, she's checking up on me'. I said, "OK, but I've got a huge hole in my heart". She said, "Well, I have just the thing to fill it." Within a few hours, I had a chubby, brown eyed boy in my arms. I fell in love instantly. It took awhile, and there were many bumps along the road, but today, Aug 1, 2008, that little boy still calls me "mama".
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Walk this way....
I hauled my body out of bed this morning, determined to get back on track with my walking. I had done so well most of the summer, walking in the heat, through a knee injury, and even on a cruise, but all the sudden I had fallen off the wagon. A day of physical activity made me realize how much even a couple of pounds adds to stress on the joints, and I have decided to get back in the saddle.
So, as I was walking, I was listening to my iPod. I was feeling somewhat despondent over some recent and not so recent emotional stressors, and was praying about one particular disappointment. I had to laugh, because, on shuffle, the iPod was playing a song that said we may never achieve the dreams we had for ourselves. But, that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad things. Life is full of unfulfilled fantasies. So, do we roll 0ver and play dead? No, we keep on going. The humor in that was that the first several songs (basically the first 1/2 of my walk) all had the same theme...sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. Then, I turned around to start the trip home, and suddenly, the theme shifted. It started out with "I AM"...
I AM...the maker of the Heavens
I AM...the bright and morning star
I AM...the breath of all creation
Who always was, and is to come
I AM...the one who walked on water
I AM...the one who calmed the seas
I AM...the miracles and wonder
So come and see, Oh follow Me
And you will know
The fount of living water
The risen Son of Man
The healer of the broken
And when you cry I AM
Your Savior and Redeemer
Who bore the sin of man
The Author and Perfecter
Beginning and the End
Yes, I AM
I AM ...the Spirit deep inside you
I AM...the Word upon your heart
I AM...the One who even knew you before your birth
Before you were...I Am
The fount of living water
The risen Son of Man
The healer of the broken
And when you cry I AM
Your Savior and Redeemer
Who bore the sin of man
The Author and Perfecter
Beginning and the End.... I AM
From that point on, every song that the iPod arbitrarily picked was on that focused on the majesty of God, and the fact that even though our plans might not work out, HE IS STILL GOD.
I thought it was pretty cool that God used a hot, lonely walk to speak new life to my aching heart. Nothing new...just a reminder of who I am in light of who HE is.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
A sailor's life for me....
When I did run away.....
I went to Grand Cayman and Cozumel. It was a true testimony to God's sense of beauty. Here are some pictures...they can't capture the true picture, but they do remind me of the peace and unbelievable scenery and fun I had with my friends.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Lessons from the beach
Today, I took the kids to the beach for the day. We left early and got there (mainly to get a parking place) by 10:00. The ocean was nice, and the tide was on the way out, which meant we could park our stuff close and know it probably wouldn't get washed. Not used to having a toddler with me, I was a bit nervous when K. got closer and closer to the tide line. She liked playing in the shallow water, but being very unsteady on her feet, she had trouble keeping her balance. So, I went into the surf with her. As we stood there and she played I couldn't help but parallel our Christian walk with what was happening in the water. So, here are my thoughts...
- We often think we're on solid ground, but when there is an unexpected surge of water, the ground under us is literally washed away, and our steady footing is exchanged for an irregular surface that is constantly shifting. This can do several things. It makes us lose our balance. It can cover our feet so that when we move to take a step, we fall, or have to pry our feet from under the heavy sand. It can cause us to shift our position to what we perceive as more level ground. This works until the next surge comes along.
- Sometimes, we withstand the initial hit with no problem. Then, when the wave begins to rush out, it often pulls us so hard that we fall. Once down, we roll around at the mercy of the wave.
- If we're not constantly viligant, often things sneak up on us.
- I noticed that after a 'rolling', K. would hold tightly to both of my hands for a few moments. Then, as her confidence grew, she would let go with one hand and use it to dabble and swirl in the water. After a few minutes, she would not only let go of the other hand, she would push me away. We do this so often with God. Hard times comes, we cling tightly, then we let go and finally push him away, thinking we have it all in control. As we 'manage' without him, we let go of all stablizing forces, only to get knocked and rolled around again and start the whole cycle over.
- As the waves receeded, it would appear that you had to go further out to get to the water for the fun. Chasing the waves often left us in a place where, suddenly, we were in over what was safe. Instead of waiting for the water to come to us, K. would put herself in danger to be a part of the action. How often do we go chasing the instant gratification, only to find that it really isn't where we need to be?
- Playing in the water can be fun, but in an instant, it can become dangerous.
We had fun at the beach. We enjoyed each other's company, and basked in the beauty that God created. There were no stressors, no computer, no cell phone, no vacuum cleaners, dust, dirty dishes or piled up laundry. We ate what we wanted, when we wanted, and left when things were no longer to our satisfaction. All this, and some spiritual stuffs too....life doesn't get much better than this, does it?
So, we went to the beach today. I have several observations...
- some people need to take honest friends with them when they shop for bathing suits
- the best naps come under the umbrella
- it doesn't matter how young, or old, you are, you can still enjoy the beach
- tatoos resemble amorphous blobs when your skin succumbs to the stretches and wrinkles of age....(isn't that great...'amorphous blobs'...) so, getting one probably isn't a good idea for a lot of people.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Satisfaction guarenteed
Many business have adopted this slogan to lure customers to trust them...their product will COMPLETELY satisfy, or you'll get your money back. The problem is, there are very few times in life that we are completely satisfied with anything. Often we go through all the motions that we think will lead to fulfillment, only to find a certain emptiness at the end. Unfortunately, the search for satisfaction often leads to a form of idol worship.
We're created with a void in our life. Beth Moore states..."the void God created in our lives for Himself will demand attention. We look desperately for something to satisfy us and fill the empty places. Our craving to be filled is so strong that the moment something or someone seems to meet our need, we feel an overwhelming temptation to worship it." I see this in my boys. If a new kid comes onto the scene that brings with him an allure of excitement, acceptance, or freshness, they become somewhat consumed by that person. What I often don't see is the times in my own life that I do the same thing. Without being able to identify the restlessness of my spirit, I see things that look good to me. It might be a new hobby, a fresh face, a different trend, a goal, a program, a trip, a fad. I jump on the band wagon thinking, "this is it, if I do THIS, I will be happy." But, it doesn't work.
The Bible teaches us that only God can fill that void. There are numerous references throughout the word that speak to this. Jesus was thirsty and tired when he sat down at the well and waited for the Samaritan woman. He said to her, "everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again". In other words, no guarentees on total satisfaction. But, then he went on to say "whoever drink of the water I give will NEVER THIRST... indeed...the water I give him will be spring welling up..." in other words, it will never run dry...total satisfaction. Jesus is a continual source of satisfaction. The problem comes when I dam up the well, and look for other ways to satisfy.
Isa. 44:20 says that when we substitute other things for the satisfaction that only God can provide, we're "feeding on ashes" and following a "deluded heart". I struggle with this. If I'm not careful, I become consumed with the ashes, and forget the nurishment that relationship with Jesus provides. For me, this means getting my head in the word, and having that consistant prayer time. It means not looking to people, programs, or distractions to meet the needs that simmer beneath the surface, the things that are endlessly insufficient.
We're created with a void in our life. Beth Moore states..."the void God created in our lives for Himself will demand attention. We look desperately for something to satisfy us and fill the empty places. Our craving to be filled is so strong that the moment something or someone seems to meet our need, we feel an overwhelming temptation to worship it." I see this in my boys. If a new kid comes onto the scene that brings with him an allure of excitement, acceptance, or freshness, they become somewhat consumed by that person. What I often don't see is the times in my own life that I do the same thing. Without being able to identify the restlessness of my spirit, I see things that look good to me. It might be a new hobby, a fresh face, a different trend, a goal, a program, a trip, a fad. I jump on the band wagon thinking, "this is it, if I do THIS, I will be happy." But, it doesn't work.
The Bible teaches us that only God can fill that void. There are numerous references throughout the word that speak to this. Jesus was thirsty and tired when he sat down at the well and waited for the Samaritan woman. He said to her, "everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again". In other words, no guarentees on total satisfaction. But, then he went on to say "whoever drink of the water I give will NEVER THIRST... indeed...the water I give him will be spring welling up..." in other words, it will never run dry...total satisfaction. Jesus is a continual source of satisfaction. The problem comes when I dam up the well, and look for other ways to satisfy.
Isa. 44:20 says that when we substitute other things for the satisfaction that only God can provide, we're "feeding on ashes" and following a "deluded heart". I struggle with this. If I'm not careful, I become consumed with the ashes, and forget the nurishment that relationship with Jesus provides. For me, this means getting my head in the word, and having that consistant prayer time. It means not looking to people, programs, or distractions to meet the needs that simmer beneath the surface, the things that are endlessly insufficient.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I don't care....
death to a parents ears
I...don't...care...
bam...bam...bam...
A hammer on nails
piercing, tearing, splitting, wedging,
fastening new things onto existing structures
whether you want them or not...
I...don't....care...
......but what about?....
I... don't....care...
..don't you want to do what is right?...
I...don't...care...
.....really? then why are there tears in your eyes?
The words hurt so bad
that it takes awhile to see past them
into the eyes that plead acceptance
yearning for freedom,
yet craving the security of familiarity
The same eyes that peered over a blanket,
peeked around the corner,
twinkled with laughter as you sat in a box,
the dryer,
the cabinet
waiting for the right moment to pop out.
Eyes that searched for me in a crowd,
widened with anticipation as you saw things that were new,
or that brimmed with unshed tears
over the little hurts and frustrations,
Eyes that closed at night
confident that all would be well in the morning.
May these same eyes be open
to how much God cared.
May you see his grace,
mercy, and the freedom that he offers
then, maybe, the I...don't....care...
can be replaced with His truth,
and you will hear him whisper in the dark,
in the new places that you've never been,
through the tulmultuous times that are ahead,
within the stark reality of life...
"I care"...
and you'll realize... that you do too.
I...don't...care...
bam...bam...bam...
A hammer on nails
piercing, tearing, splitting, wedging,
fastening new things onto existing structures
whether you want them or not...
I...don't....care...
......but what about?....
I... don't....care...
..don't you want to do what is right?...
I...don't...care...
.....really? then why are there tears in your eyes?
The words hurt so bad
that it takes awhile to see past them
into the eyes that plead acceptance
yearning for freedom,
yet craving the security of familiarity
The same eyes that peered over a blanket,
peeked around the corner,
twinkled with laughter as you sat in a box,
the dryer,
the cabinet
waiting for the right moment to pop out.
Eyes that searched for me in a crowd,
widened with anticipation as you saw things that were new,
or that brimmed with unshed tears
over the little hurts and frustrations,
Eyes that closed at night
confident that all would be well in the morning.
May these same eyes be open
to how much God cared.
May you see his grace,
mercy, and the freedom that he offers
then, maybe, the I...don't....care...
can be replaced with His truth,
and you will hear him whisper in the dark,
in the new places that you've never been,
through the tulmultuous times that are ahead,
within the stark reality of life...
"I care"...
and you'll realize... that you do too.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I'm back....
After a few months of not blogging because of technical difficulties, suddenly, I find myself able to access this site...go figure.
We just got back from a week of camp that was probably one of the top 10 experiences of my life. I know it was supposed to be a time of growth for the kids, but my heart was so touched by so many aspects of that I hardly know where to begin.
Immersion vs. sprinkling....the kids were totally saturated with the word. Between organized quiet times, corporate worship, family group, prayer gatherings, and youth group times, they were getting it through all different mediums all throughout the day. They were able to see other youth leaders, and kids from all over the southeast putting their faith into practice. I think that just knowing they are not alone is a huge boost. There were fun times sprinkled throughout the day as well...swimming, rec, secret agent gummy men, games, naps, and such, and that just added to the feeling of comradary.
So, we're home...my prayer is that the fire that was fanned at camp will continue to burn uncontrollably in the lives of everyone that was there. As for me, I was energized by the immersion as well as by their response.
We just got back from a week of camp that was probably one of the top 10 experiences of my life. I know it was supposed to be a time of growth for the kids, but my heart was so touched by so many aspects of that I hardly know where to begin.
Immersion vs. sprinkling....the kids were totally saturated with the word. Between organized quiet times, corporate worship, family group, prayer gatherings, and youth group times, they were getting it through all different mediums all throughout the day. They were able to see other youth leaders, and kids from all over the southeast putting their faith into practice. I think that just knowing they are not alone is a huge boost. There were fun times sprinkled throughout the day as well...swimming, rec, secret agent gummy men, games, naps, and such, and that just added to the feeling of comradary.
So, we're home...my prayer is that the fire that was fanned at camp will continue to burn uncontrollably in the lives of everyone that was there. As for me, I was energized by the immersion as well as by their response.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
7 things you might not know about me...
Nate challenged us to write 7 things people might not know about us on our own blog. Since I'm such an 'open' person, I will have trouble finding 7 secrets...here goes.
1) I've always secretly wanted to be a hair stylists. You'd never guess it by looking at my hair, since it is a wild mop that rarely gets cut.
2) I hate working in the yard or garden. I have a real aversion to getting my hands dirty.
3) I would love to take a small engine repair class
4) I hate to write...which is why my blogging is confined to a once a week entry. It's also funny since I was, at one time, a writing trainer for our county. I have the thoughts in my head, but I can never get the words to express them correctly. I get so busy trying to say the words, that I forget what the message was....
5) I used to ski ... my travels have taken me to many different ski slopes in several different countries. I've been pulled off mountains and glaciers by stretcher (and one time by a giant 'snow cat') more times than I can recount. I loved skiing. I just never quite mastered it.
6) I'm a terrible housekeeper. I love having a clean house, but don't ever seem to get around to cleaning it until we're in a 'crisis' mode.
7) I'm a trekky! I've seen every episode of the original Star Trek and The Next Generation numerous times. I never much cared for the other spin-offs, so was not very consistant about watching them. The wildest thing has been to watch the technology from those shows become a part of our lives.
8) Ok, I'm on a roll, one more. I too, went to Nyack College, but never played sports. I was there for the excellent social experiences and a degree that would take me through life. (By the way, the degree has offered most excellent opportunities, and I loved the school!)
1) I've always secretly wanted to be a hair stylists. You'd never guess it by looking at my hair, since it is a wild mop that rarely gets cut.
2) I hate working in the yard or garden. I have a real aversion to getting my hands dirty.
3) I would love to take a small engine repair class
4) I hate to write...which is why my blogging is confined to a once a week entry. It's also funny since I was, at one time, a writing trainer for our county. I have the thoughts in my head, but I can never get the words to express them correctly. I get so busy trying to say the words, that I forget what the message was....
5) I used to ski ... my travels have taken me to many different ski slopes in several different countries. I've been pulled off mountains and glaciers by stretcher (and one time by a giant 'snow cat') more times than I can recount. I loved skiing. I just never quite mastered it.
6) I'm a terrible housekeeper. I love having a clean house, but don't ever seem to get around to cleaning it until we're in a 'crisis' mode.
7) I'm a trekky! I've seen every episode of the original Star Trek and The Next Generation numerous times. I never much cared for the other spin-offs, so was not very consistant about watching them. The wildest thing has been to watch the technology from those shows become a part of our lives.
8) Ok, I'm on a roll, one more. I too, went to Nyack College, but never played sports. I was there for the excellent social experiences and a degree that would take me through life. (By the way, the degree has offered most excellent opportunities, and I loved the school!)
New Beginnings...
Yesterday, March 14, I sat with my fathers dwindling family as we gathered for the 2nd time in 4 months to honor the life and grieve the death of one of his brothers. The family of 8 siblings is now down to 5, and the gray hairs and stooped postures give evidence to the relentless march of age. Yet this funeral was so different from some of the others. Rather than a ceremony marking the end of something, it was a celebration marking the beginning of his eternal life with his Father, God.
My uncle Royce was a man with passion. He was passionate about his country. He served in the armed forces, and to listen to him you would understand that he single-handedly defeated the Germans. He then served in the Civil Air Patrol for over 50 years. 50 years! That's a huge committment. As they presented him with 3 awards, posthumously, I couldn't help but think how I wished he had gotten these while he lived. It would have meant so much to him, and he would have been so thrilled with the recognition.
Uncle Royce was also passionate about God. He served as a bi vocational pastor for 50 years while working for the state of North Carolina. He led a number of congretations, but his life spoke of his faith and his love for God. As I sat there listening to a chaplain expound on his life, it was hard to be sad that he was gone. Alzeheimers had robbed him of everything he had known on this earth, and his body was ravaged by aging process. His life isn't over...it's just begun! This time, it's not a practice, it's for eternity.
The chaplain did not know Uncle Royce, but he did a great job of sharing my uncle's passion. He blatently laid out the gospel for all those that were there, and emphasized that we don't live this life for ourselves, it's not about us, it's about sharing the love of Christ with others. I'm sure there were those there that did not appreciate the message, but I wanted to raise my fist and say, "YES".
My uncle's life was not easy. There has been pain, loss, grief, disappointment, and problems. But, there was also friendship, family, laughs, and memorable experiences. But through everything, he never lost his faith. He never lost his hope in God. He continued to love God and people, and share Jesus with those he met. I hope that when I am gone, and my friends and family gather at my funeral, the people there will realize that it's not the end...it's only the beginning and they raise their fists and say, "YES!"
My uncle Royce was a man with passion. He was passionate about his country. He served in the armed forces, and to listen to him you would understand that he single-handedly defeated the Germans. He then served in the Civil Air Patrol for over 50 years. 50 years! That's a huge committment. As they presented him with 3 awards, posthumously, I couldn't help but think how I wished he had gotten these while he lived. It would have meant so much to him, and he would have been so thrilled with the recognition.
Uncle Royce was also passionate about God. He served as a bi vocational pastor for 50 years while working for the state of North Carolina. He led a number of congretations, but his life spoke of his faith and his love for God. As I sat there listening to a chaplain expound on his life, it was hard to be sad that he was gone. Alzeheimers had robbed him of everything he had known on this earth, and his body was ravaged by aging process. His life isn't over...it's just begun! This time, it's not a practice, it's for eternity.
The chaplain did not know Uncle Royce, but he did a great job of sharing my uncle's passion. He blatently laid out the gospel for all those that were there, and emphasized that we don't live this life for ourselves, it's not about us, it's about sharing the love of Christ with others. I'm sure there were those there that did not appreciate the message, but I wanted to raise my fist and say, "YES".
My uncle's life was not easy. There has been pain, loss, grief, disappointment, and problems. But, there was also friendship, family, laughs, and memorable experiences. But through everything, he never lost his faith. He never lost his hope in God. He continued to love God and people, and share Jesus with those he met. I hope that when I am gone, and my friends and family gather at my funeral, the people there will realize that it's not the end...it's only the beginning and they raise their fists and say, "YES!"
Saturday, March 8, 2008
As For Me and My House....
CRASH!!!BOOM!!! The house shook. The dogs came scrambling and so did Jeremiah. It was an abrupt way to beging the day, and the storm raging outside was a foreshadowing of our morning inside. The kids got in a fight, and I had to send them to their separate corners. Tears flowed and ugly words gushed out of their mouths....crash...boom....severe storm warnings scrolled across the bottom of the TV screen and across their faces.
In trying to lead them through this most recent bout of friction, I made the comment that adults don't solve their problems by bashing each other, verbally and physically, and using their bullying techniques to force their will on other people. Trystan looked at me and said, "but I'm not an adult". My reply to him was, "You don't turn into one overnight when you reach 18, it's a process that you practice until you have it well enough to do it on your own."
As he stormed away, I thought about all the adults that DO handle those kinds of situations with ugliness and bullying. I guess I live in a rose-colored world because my work environment is one of cooperation and problem solving. My coworkers bend over backwards to make sure things are said in nonhurtful ways. This is a blessing. I wish it were one my kids could learn!
So now, I'm back to my Saturday morning quiet time (since everyone else is in their respective places of solitude) pondering on the verse "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." My question is this...how can we enforce that decision? After 25 years in education, I have reached the conclusion that we can't MAKE anyone do anything. We can make the consequences of not following the rules uncomfortable, and make the rewards of complicance pleasing, but ultimately, each person makes their own choices that determine actions. How can any of us speak for 'our house' and their decisions?
I realize that we don't just wake up, and.. bam....we're mature enough to make all the right decisions in following God's will. I know that it's a growth process. When I look back on my growth, I've tried to point to a specific turning point of "there it is, that's when my faith became more than words. It was then that my relationship with Christ began to flavor my decisions and thought processes." But, I can't come pinpoint many exact times. Looking back, it was a series of mini-choices and God appointments with others that led me forward, sometimes, and backwards at times. I guess you could say I am the sum total of my experiences. So, perhaps the decision that 'me and my house willserve the Lord' isn't a one time thing, but a series of mini committments, sequentially causing us to move forward in our maturity.
My committment has also been a greatly influenced by a weekly dredging in God's word, through the preaching and leadership at Nags Head Church. Most Sunday's I walk away with the thought that the semon was special tailored for my growth needs and my weaknesses. Which reinforces the thought that my kids (my house) need to be dedicated to regular attendance, ministry, praise, personal devotions, and fellowship. We all need to be involved in missions, whether here or elsewhere. We need to continue to practice the 'it's not about me' mantra. It won't suddenly happen, but perhaps, through the mini course adjustments and LOTS of practice we can move closer to understanding what it means to declare that 'my house will serve the Lord.'
For now, the storm, outside, has passed and the sun is shining. The yard is flooded, because when you are deluged with rain, there is usually residual effects. In our case, we sometimes have to pick our way carefully through the high patches so we don't get wet on the way to the car. The forecast is for more storms...I'm sure there will be more storms inside as well. God, help me to be wise and discerning, and help me to help my children come to the decision that they too, will serve You.
In trying to lead them through this most recent bout of friction, I made the comment that adults don't solve their problems by bashing each other, verbally and physically, and using their bullying techniques to force their will on other people. Trystan looked at me and said, "but I'm not an adult". My reply to him was, "You don't turn into one overnight when you reach 18, it's a process that you practice until you have it well enough to do it on your own."
As he stormed away, I thought about all the adults that DO handle those kinds of situations with ugliness and bullying. I guess I live in a rose-colored world because my work environment is one of cooperation and problem solving. My coworkers bend over backwards to make sure things are said in nonhurtful ways. This is a blessing. I wish it were one my kids could learn!
So now, I'm back to my Saturday morning quiet time (since everyone else is in their respective places of solitude) pondering on the verse "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." My question is this...how can we enforce that decision? After 25 years in education, I have reached the conclusion that we can't MAKE anyone do anything. We can make the consequences of not following the rules uncomfortable, and make the rewards of complicance pleasing, but ultimately, each person makes their own choices that determine actions. How can any of us speak for 'our house' and their decisions?
I realize that we don't just wake up, and.. bam....we're mature enough to make all the right decisions in following God's will. I know that it's a growth process. When I look back on my growth, I've tried to point to a specific turning point of "there it is, that's when my faith became more than words. It was then that my relationship with Christ began to flavor my decisions and thought processes." But, I can't come pinpoint many exact times. Looking back, it was a series of mini-choices and God appointments with others that led me forward, sometimes, and backwards at times. I guess you could say I am the sum total of my experiences. So, perhaps the decision that 'me and my house willserve the Lord' isn't a one time thing, but a series of mini committments, sequentially causing us to move forward in our maturity.
My committment has also been a greatly influenced by a weekly dredging in God's word, through the preaching and leadership at Nags Head Church. Most Sunday's I walk away with the thought that the semon was special tailored for my growth needs and my weaknesses. Which reinforces the thought that my kids (my house) need to be dedicated to regular attendance, ministry, praise, personal devotions, and fellowship. We all need to be involved in missions, whether here or elsewhere. We need to continue to practice the 'it's not about me' mantra. It won't suddenly happen, but perhaps, through the mini course adjustments and LOTS of practice we can move closer to understanding what it means to declare that 'my house will serve the Lord.'
For now, the storm, outside, has passed and the sun is shining. The yard is flooded, because when you are deluged with rain, there is usually residual effects. In our case, we sometimes have to pick our way carefully through the high patches so we don't get wet on the way to the car. The forecast is for more storms...I'm sure there will be more storms inside as well. God, help me to be wise and discerning, and help me to help my children come to the decision that they too, will serve You.
Monday, March 3, 2008
S0, today I spent 3 hours in the hospital emergency room with Jeremiah. His cold has settled into his chest, and the dr. office erred on the side of caution and wanted a chest xray. So, 3 hours, and xray, a throat swab and a nose swab later, they declared that he had a cold....
Thankyou God that it isn't anything more. Here are lessons from the ER:
1)I don't know how Nate does it. I was bored out of my mind sitting there waiting for different lab results. After 3 hours of being in that same room, looking at the same poster on the wall and the same swabs in the jar, I was ready to go crazy. But, as I started thinking, "God please make them hurry up"...my mind went to Tricia,,,,who is in a continual holding pattern. Day after day. Soon my prayers went from "make them hurry up" to "please God, send Tricia her lungs..."
2) Sponge Bob is one of the stupidest shows ever created...followed by a close second with Declassified, and the Suite life of Zack and Cody.
Thats it...short lesson...long day.
Thankyou God that it isn't anything more. Here are lessons from the ER:
1)I don't know how Nate does it. I was bored out of my mind sitting there waiting for different lab results. After 3 hours of being in that same room, looking at the same poster on the wall and the same swabs in the jar, I was ready to go crazy. But, as I started thinking, "God please make them hurry up"...my mind went to Tricia,,,,who is in a continual holding pattern. Day after day. Soon my prayers went from "make them hurry up" to "please God, send Tricia her lungs..."
2) Sponge Bob is one of the stupidest shows ever created...followed by a close second with Declassified, and the Suite life of Zack and Cody.
Thats it...short lesson...long day.
Friday, February 29, 2008
50Years
50 years ago, tonight, my mom and my dad were both anxiously awaiting the morning. They were to be married, and to stand before God, their family, and some friends and vow their undying devotion to each other. They were going to promise to love, honor, and protect each other for as long as they both should live. That's a daunting promise, but one they've stood beside.
It hasn't always been easy. In fact, I'm not sure it ever was. In their early marriage, my dad commuted from here to Norfolk daily. Mom gave up a career as a nurse in order to be a stay at home mom. Later, my dad's career in the Coast Guard took him away from the home he knew to far away places. Mom adapted to the new, and made a home for us wherever we were. There were times in our lives that he would be 'out to sea' for long periods of time. I remember communicating with him, occasionally, on ship to shore phones. I'm not sure how they worked, but I remember having to say "over" whenever I finished a thought.
As we grew up, if college was the way we wanted to go, they did whatever they could to help us achieve that goal. It meant selling off some land and cosigning loans and driving to NY and doing without one of their 2 cars for a year, but they did it because that's what family does. If a vocation was the way we chose, they were supportive of that as well.
Through 2 careers, one in the Coast Guard and one as a horticulturist, Dad was had a work ethic that is not so easy to find. He worked hard to provide for his family and even after 'retirement' he continues, at 70 to work.
Mom, is one of those incredibly strong women that has overcome unbelievable odds. Age has wreaked havoc on her physically and she's had surgery on her hands, feet, back, neck and heart. Several times, she has been on death's door, but not only did she survive, she has continued to live a productive life despite physical handicaps and a heart that doesn't do what it's designed to do.
So, 50 years ago, they promised to love each other "in sickness and in health". It's a promise they kept, and today they stand as a testimony to God's grace and his strength to stay the course and go the distance.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.
It hasn't always been easy. In fact, I'm not sure it ever was. In their early marriage, my dad commuted from here to Norfolk daily. Mom gave up a career as a nurse in order to be a stay at home mom. Later, my dad's career in the Coast Guard took him away from the home he knew to far away places. Mom adapted to the new, and made a home for us wherever we were. There were times in our lives that he would be 'out to sea' for long periods of time. I remember communicating with him, occasionally, on ship to shore phones. I'm not sure how they worked, but I remember having to say "over" whenever I finished a thought.
As we grew up, if college was the way we wanted to go, they did whatever they could to help us achieve that goal. It meant selling off some land and cosigning loans and driving to NY and doing without one of their 2 cars for a year, but they did it because that's what family does. If a vocation was the way we chose, they were supportive of that as well.
Through 2 careers, one in the Coast Guard and one as a horticulturist, Dad was had a work ethic that is not so easy to find. He worked hard to provide for his family and even after 'retirement' he continues, at 70 to work.
Mom, is one of those incredibly strong women that has overcome unbelievable odds. Age has wreaked havoc on her physically and she's had surgery on her hands, feet, back, neck and heart. Several times, she has been on death's door, but not only did she survive, she has continued to live a productive life despite physical handicaps and a heart that doesn't do what it's designed to do.
So, 50 years ago, they promised to love each other "in sickness and in health". It's a promise they kept, and today they stand as a testimony to God's grace and his strength to stay the course and go the distance.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I Understand....(not)
It saddened me today when I read Nathan's blog about the hurtful and downright mean things people were 'saying' to him as he put voice to this incredible journey that he and his family have embarked upon. As a person who has worked with kids most of my adult life, I have noticed and many times commented that "kids are mean", because they haven't learned the social inhibitions that keep us from saying hurtful things. They hold out their friendship to someone, then withdraw it if the 'friend' does or does not do something thing that disagrees or agrees with them and feeds their selfishness and ego. Supposedly, with positive guidance and teacher/parent/adult training (not necessarily in that order) we can steer them to the understanding that words DO hurt, sometimes more than sticks and stones. This process takes time, and we, as teachers, often don't see the end results, but we work toward that goal in any case.
Evidently, this isn't a new problem, because there are many places in the Bible where God addesses the way we speak to each other..."let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth...only that which is good for building up of the saints" (BV)* "let no backbiting, slander or gossip..." " the tongue is like a tiny rudder that steers the whole ship"...I could go on and on, but my time is short.
Often, even though we have physical age on us, our emotional age is still that of a young child. We end up being selfish, and taking an "I can't help it...I've got to say what's inside" attitude. Thank God for spiritual leaders that help give us that positive guidance and training to help us 'learn' how powerful our words are.
Today, my prayer is "may the words of mouth, and the thoughts of my heart, bless YOUR name, bless your name, Jesus....may the deeds of the day, and the truth of my way, speak of YOU, speak of you, Jesus."
(*BV=Bonnie's version..paraphrased)
Evidently, this isn't a new problem, because there are many places in the Bible where God addesses the way we speak to each other..."let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth...only that which is good for building up of the saints" (BV)* "let no backbiting, slander or gossip..." " the tongue is like a tiny rudder that steers the whole ship"...I could go on and on, but my time is short.
Often, even though we have physical age on us, our emotional age is still that of a young child. We end up being selfish, and taking an "I can't help it...I've got to say what's inside" attitude. Thank God for spiritual leaders that help give us that positive guidance and training to help us 'learn' how powerful our words are.
Today, my prayer is "may the words of mouth, and the thoughts of my heart, bless YOUR name, bless your name, Jesus....may the deeds of the day, and the truth of my way, speak of YOU, speak of you, Jesus."
(*BV=Bonnie's version..paraphrased)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Scary stuff
This morning, I woke up and instead of getting up, like I usually do, I decided to lay in bed and see if I could go back to sleep. I had had a rough night with a lot of 'awakenings' and I didn't feel really good, so I decided the sleep would do me good. Mistake....
I had the worst dream. As always, when I go to give words to my dream, I don't have the vocabulary to truely describe the feelings, textures and nuiances of the dream. But, the gist was this: Alex decided to turn his back on me and my authority. I went to pick him up from school (although it wasn't a school I had ever been in) and when I called him to come with me, he totally ignored me. No amount of calling, cajoling, screaming or threatening could get him to come with me. He was declaring his independence in loud silence. I found that he had been doing things that I had expressly forbidden (pimping his bike...which is funny in that he doesn't even have a bike) and riding gas powered skateboards. He refused to even acknowledge my presence. Finally, in desperation, I told him I would cancel his cell phone. He turned to me and said, "go ahead, you can't MAKE me do anything" and tossed it into the bushes. At that point I relized that he had discovered my secret. He was right. I can't force anyone to do anything. I can make it lucrative to obey, or miserable to disobey, but ultimately, personal choice will prevail.
There was more to the dream, including me sneaking into a high security room and hiding something under the PE equipment, and airplanes, but as dreams go, that part was very disjointed. I just remember feeling a small triumph that I had put something of his in a place he couldn't access it. Hollow victory.
I drug myself out of my sleep, and my first waking thought was "it was a dream, it was just a dream", but curiously, I found myself really sad as I got up to begin my day. I realized that, just as in my dream, there is a very real possibility that my boys will turn against the very fabric of my beliefs and philosophies. There may come a day when they chose to say to me, "you can't MAKE me do anything". Now, my conscious mind says, "that's personal choice, and my joy is not dependent on their actions or attitudes" but deep down, I know I will be shaken to the core if and when that happens.
Perhaps this was a spin off on last night's post, but it was a shocking jolt into reality. It made me feel a more pressing need to pray protection around them, build relationship with them, and indoctrinate them into the word of God, so that even if they chose to turn their backs, they won't forget. Perhaps this is Satan's way of trying to steal my joy. We learned in church last week that
Satan always attacks through our weakest point, and that is often through our children. We also learned that we have to surrender them to God, as we do ourself.
So, Lord, they're yours. Bring them up in your knowledge. Let me be a wise steward of the time you've given us together. Protect them, and let them see, with clarity, Satan's tricks. Pursue them relentlessly, and bring them home.
I had the worst dream. As always, when I go to give words to my dream, I don't have the vocabulary to truely describe the feelings, textures and nuiances of the dream. But, the gist was this: Alex decided to turn his back on me and my authority. I went to pick him up from school (although it wasn't a school I had ever been in) and when I called him to come with me, he totally ignored me. No amount of calling, cajoling, screaming or threatening could get him to come with me. He was declaring his independence in loud silence. I found that he had been doing things that I had expressly forbidden (pimping his bike...which is funny in that he doesn't even have a bike) and riding gas powered skateboards. He refused to even acknowledge my presence. Finally, in desperation, I told him I would cancel his cell phone. He turned to me and said, "go ahead, you can't MAKE me do anything" and tossed it into the bushes. At that point I relized that he had discovered my secret. He was right. I can't force anyone to do anything. I can make it lucrative to obey, or miserable to disobey, but ultimately, personal choice will prevail.
There was more to the dream, including me sneaking into a high security room and hiding something under the PE equipment, and airplanes, but as dreams go, that part was very disjointed. I just remember feeling a small triumph that I had put something of his in a place he couldn't access it. Hollow victory.
I drug myself out of my sleep, and my first waking thought was "it was a dream, it was just a dream", but curiously, I found myself really sad as I got up to begin my day. I realized that, just as in my dream, there is a very real possibility that my boys will turn against the very fabric of my beliefs and philosophies. There may come a day when they chose to say to me, "you can't MAKE me do anything". Now, my conscious mind says, "that's personal choice, and my joy is not dependent on their actions or attitudes" but deep down, I know I will be shaken to the core if and when that happens.
Perhaps this was a spin off on last night's post, but it was a shocking jolt into reality. It made me feel a more pressing need to pray protection around them, build relationship with them, and indoctrinate them into the word of God, so that even if they chose to turn their backs, they won't forget. Perhaps this is Satan's way of trying to steal my joy. We learned in church last week that
Satan always attacks through our weakest point, and that is often through our children. We also learned that we have to surrender them to God, as we do ourself.
So, Lord, they're yours. Bring them up in your knowledge. Let me be a wise steward of the time you've given us together. Protect them, and let them see, with clarity, Satan's tricks. Pursue them relentlessly, and bring them home.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
End of the Day
We are healthy. We were fed. We did things for fun. We ate dinner together. I went shopping with my mom for a 50th wedding anniversary outfit. We ate lunch at Good Life Gourmet. I was a good day.
Alex was disappointed because he wasn't able to work out plans of his design. This was hard as a mom, not to jump in and 'fix' the problem. He needs to learn that things don't always work out according to our plans. He needs to learn, as we all do, that our activities or our relationships aren't the basis of our joy. Our joy comes from our relationship with God and the understanding that we are his chosen children and he loves us and was willing to step out of eternity into time in order to save us. Happiness is transluscent...it can illuminate, fade through, and show vague shapes of what is reality, but it is also transcient..it shifts, moves, and eludes us at times. Hard lessons. My prayer is that I can teach these lessons to my children as I learn them myself.
Alex was disappointed because he wasn't able to work out plans of his design. This was hard as a mom, not to jump in and 'fix' the problem. He needs to learn that things don't always work out according to our plans. He needs to learn, as we all do, that our activities or our relationships aren't the basis of our joy. Our joy comes from our relationship with God and the understanding that we are his chosen children and he loves us and was willing to step out of eternity into time in order to save us. Happiness is transluscent...it can illuminate, fade through, and show vague shapes of what is reality, but it is also transcient..it shifts, moves, and eludes us at times. Hard lessons. My prayer is that I can teach these lessons to my children as I learn them myself.
Saturday Mornings
I love Saturday mornings. I usually wake up hours before the rest of the family, and I make a (small) pot of coffee and sit at the computer and catch up on my 'reading' for the week. It's a time to reflect, pray for my friends and family, get 'enlightened', and often, get caught up on bills and pressing activities. Throughout the week, I get up before everyone and have a 'hang time' with God, but often my schedule limits the time and the thoughts of the coming day crowd out the true reflections.
This morning I was reading in a book called Blue Like Jazz, and the author is talking about his journey into Christianity. He was having trouble "buying into" the concept until he took a Literature course. Through the course he realized that the same elements that hook us into a good book (ie, setting, conflict/resolution, and climax) are the very things that draw us into Christianity. Setting...here and now. We're a part of it. I'm always trying to get my 3rd graders to make a "personal connection" to their readings/writings. We understand setting because we are in the setting. Conflict...the rebellion against God resulting in sin sets the stage for all conflict. Climax...where the point of decision determines the end of the story. Resolution...We have a choice to have a good or bad resolution.
The author also parallels our decision with a really cool story. It is of a Navy SEAL that went on a covert mission to resue some hostages. They had been held captive for months, and when the SEALS penetrated the room and told the hostages to follow them, they sat huddled in a corner, hiding in fear, afraid to follow their 'saviors'. Finally, in desperation, one SEAL took off his helmet and sat down in the huddle, body to body, with the hostages. He stayed there until some of the people began to make eye contact with him, and realize his presence. He then began whispering, "We're American's, and we're here to rescue you. Won't you please follow us?" One by one the hostages stood to their feet with the SEAL until all of them were willing to follow. Had the soldier not "entered their world" and become one of them, even for an instant, the hostages would never have even acknoweldge their presence, much less followed them. Jesus did the same for us. We wouldn't/couldn't follow him, in large part because we were blinded by our fear. Until Christ became a part of the huddle, became one of us, we had trouble connecting with him. The SEAL left a part of his identity behind when he took off his helmet. Jesus left a huge part of his identity when he gave up his position at the right hand of the Father. Wow! Big thoughts for a Saturday morning.
This morning I was reading in a book called Blue Like Jazz, and the author is talking about his journey into Christianity. He was having trouble "buying into" the concept until he took a Literature course. Through the course he realized that the same elements that hook us into a good book (ie, setting, conflict/resolution, and climax) are the very things that draw us into Christianity. Setting...here and now. We're a part of it. I'm always trying to get my 3rd graders to make a "personal connection" to their readings/writings. We understand setting because we are in the setting. Conflict...the rebellion against God resulting in sin sets the stage for all conflict. Climax...where the point of decision determines the end of the story. Resolution...We have a choice to have a good or bad resolution.
The author also parallels our decision with a really cool story. It is of a Navy SEAL that went on a covert mission to resue some hostages. They had been held captive for months, and when the SEALS penetrated the room and told the hostages to follow them, they sat huddled in a corner, hiding in fear, afraid to follow their 'saviors'. Finally, in desperation, one SEAL took off his helmet and sat down in the huddle, body to body, with the hostages. He stayed there until some of the people began to make eye contact with him, and realize his presence. He then began whispering, "We're American's, and we're here to rescue you. Won't you please follow us?" One by one the hostages stood to their feet with the SEAL until all of them were willing to follow. Had the soldier not "entered their world" and become one of them, even for an instant, the hostages would never have even acknoweldge their presence, much less followed them. Jesus did the same for us. We wouldn't/couldn't follow him, in large part because we were blinded by our fear. Until Christ became a part of the huddle, became one of us, we had trouble connecting with him. The SEAL left a part of his identity behind when he took off his helmet. Jesus left a huge part of his identity when he gave up his position at the right hand of the Father. Wow! Big thoughts for a Saturday morning.
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